I understand how hard this is… and how uncertain everything feels…
When I left a physically and emotionally abusive marriage after fifteen years, I took my six-year-old son, a few changes of clothes, and very little certainty about what would happen next.
I didn’t leave because I’d suddenly become fearless. I left because staying had become more frightening than leaving.
Eventually, I gained full custody of my son, and we built a life together in a small beach town near Santa Cruz, California. But between leaving that house and finding our footing, there were legal proceedings, financial pressures, difficult conversations, and plenty of nights when I wondered whether I was getting any of it right.
There was also dinner to make. School in the morning. A little boy who needed reassurance even when I wasn’t feeling particularly reassured myself.
That’s the part of starting over we don’t always hear about.
Why I created ‘Dads Starting Over’
I’m Baz, and this is the publication I wish I’d found when I was trying to protect my son and build a life beyond the dysfunctional dynamic we’d left. I was unprepared for the traumatic communication patterns that soon emerged.
When you are newly separated from an abusive marriage or relationship, tempers are short-fused, and communication is often harsh.
The communication guide available for free below can help immediately.
This Substack is part personal story, part practical guidance, and part honest conversation about what happens when the family you hoped to keep together becomes a family you need to rebuild.
I’ll write about the decisions that couldn’t wait, the mistakes I made, and the ordinary routines that slowly helped our home feel safe. I’ll also explore what lingers after the immediate crisis: second-guessing yourself, bracing for conflict, and learning that a quiet evening doesn’t have to mean something bad is about to happen.
My son is grown now. He’s compassionate, articulate, and someone I’m deeply proud to know. We didn’t get there because I always knew what I was doing.
We got there one imperfect day at a time.
Free PDF for Subscribing
All subscribers, paid or free, can download my free 8-page Grey Rock Communication Guide for when emotions are running high and your ex might be prone to sending you accusatory and harsh text message.
It provides you three possible responses to harsh, high-conflict messages that ensures your responses can’t be used against you in Family Court.
Paid Subscriber Workshops
One less thing to figure out alone; leaving a difficult relationship doesn’t come with instructions for what happens next. Neither does raising your kids on your own for the next five years.
Each month, Dads Starting Over paid subscribers get a practical one-hour workshop focused on one specific challenge of life after separation.
Paid Subscriber Workshops include topics such as:
responding to a harsh text message or email
making school mornings more manageable
preparing for a hard conversation with your child
building a life that doesn’t go on hold whenever the kids are away
I’ll bring the lessons I’ve learned, practical tools and examples we can work through. You’ll leave with something you can use and a clear next step to take that week.
Your paid subscription includes:
One monthly live workshop.
A downloadable replay if you can’t attend.
A summary transcript.
A practical worksheet, checklist or conversation framework.
Access to previous workshop replays and resources while subscribed.
Newly separated or years into solo parenting, you’re welcome here. Moms facing similar circumstances are welcome, too.
No ex-bashing. No pretending every family needs the same solution. Just practical help for making the next part of life work.
$9/month
If you’d like the story behind this publication, start with this one:
You don’t need to have the rest of your life figured out before you take the next step.
I’m glad you’re here.
Baz
P.S. If you know someone who could benefit from this letter, please pass it on to them using the ‘Share’ button below. 🙏🏼
